Listening to this song by Jack Johnson just makes me feel like I should leave.
I'm sorry that this is turning into a blog about not my adventures but how hard of a time I am having here. I just want to go back to normal. To wake up every morning and watch cartoons while Aaron does what he has to do.
Or having Mom and Dad bug me to sit in the living room with them.
Or having friends that are just like me that want to do things that I want to do.
I really have no found anyone really that I can rely on here.
I feel like I am trying so hard.
I feel like I am here for the wrong reasons.
The magic is completely gone for me and that's the hardest thing to say.
"Who's to say
What's impossible
Well they forgot
This world keeps spinning
And with each new day
I can feel a change in everything
And as the surface breaks reflections fade
But in some ways they remain the same
And as my mind begins to spread its wings
There's no stoppin' curiosity
I wanna turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's song
I don't want this feeling to go away
Who's to say
I can't do everything
Well I can try
And as I roll along I begin to find
Things aren't always just what they seem
I wanna turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's song
This world keeps spinning and there's no time to waste
Will it all keep spinning and spinning round and round and
Upside down
Who's to say whats impossible and can't be found
I don't want this feeling to go away
Please Don't go away
is this how it's supposed to be"
It's funny because, the song has nothing to do with how I am feeling. But I just feel like I'm not as curious as I think I was. I just want to hear from people back home. To know that people are still there and that they are somehow in someway thinking about me. I miss hanging out with Heather and Lar and letting our boyfriends go off and do what they want to do.
I just...
I don't want you all to worry.
I just need a taste of home. I almost cried when a guest told me they were from born in Newfoundland. I really did. I get heart flutters when the girl that's "from st john's" walks by me and I read her name tag that says "St John's, Newfoundland"
I need to not be around the huge amount of craziness, the high school drama, the drunk mondays that nobody can sleep through.
I'm fun to be around...I just cannot force myself to be excited to go to a bar with 90 people and get drunk and watch them make mistakes.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
I know I'll learn to cope and I know I will find people I can relate to but right now I feel more alone then I have this whole month.
I keep falling asleep knowing that this is temporary...it's just not going as fast as I need it to.
This makes no sense I know...I just am not feeling great.
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8 comments:
If I could blow kisses all the way to Florida, I would.
So instead I send electronic ones.
If you're really, really unhappy - come home.
xox
A few years ago my friends cousin worked on Disney Cruises. I think she envisioned it being incredibly fun, and a great way to meet people, and the best way to get an awesome adventure!
You'll find your way there soon enough. Try and stay positive, and make the most of your time there! :)
xo
Kayla
"I miss hanging out with Heather and Lar and letting our boyfriends go off and do what they want to do."
We miss you too. Nobody else is as good at identifying the best and worst parts as you are.
:(
We miss you.
But stay positive and you can still have an incredible experience. I think the homesickness is normal.
I know how you feel. When I moved to Calgary for a summer I missed familiar surroundings and people like crazy. I constantly looked up at eastbound jet planes in a cloudless sky and wished I could fly back instead of going to work.
I think it's important to sieve out homesickness from the rest of your feelings and try to judge where you are right now on its own merits. You'd be homesick anywhere.
That said, I really worried when you built Disney up to be something big. They're a company, in the states, and there's lots of bullshit that comes along with both of those things. I'll say my social experiences down south mirror yours and leave it at that.
Just remember, you might not be 100% happy about it but to sacrifice comfort for challenge means you grow, as a person. As long as you can take something you've learned away from this, it'll be worth it.
Not sure what your xmas plans are but I'll be in St. John's Dec 25 - Jan 6 and if you're there I'd like to see you!
-ian
I was in the car with Heather and Kristin the other day, telling a story, and Heather said, "Do you know the best part?" and I said. "Yeah. But do you know the worst part?" and we all laughed.
Don't leave, Tracey. I think that if you do you'll be kicking yourself for it later on.
Homesickness is a normal and, I think, fantastic thing. It means that you have somewhere wonderful to miss and to go back to.
I think you're a lot like me. You need some kind of routine and familiarity in your life, and without it you start feeling a little lost. There's nothing wrong with that. It's good to mix it up from time to time, too. Sometimes you have to go away to really know how much you can grow and how far you can go on your own. Stagnation is a bad bad thing.
You've only been gone a month. You're still in the hard part: adjusting. Give yourself time to feel like you're actually living there instead of like you're on an extended vacation. If after half a year you still feel the same way then come on home. I don't think that anyone would begrudge you that kind of time frame.
In the meantime: try to have some fun! The worst part is that you're far away, but the best part is that we're all still friends. We'll still be here when you come home.
TELL ME ABOUT THE BEST PART
(thinking about you)
tracey!
i have been thinking of you lots :-)
i think i know how you feel, kind of. when i went away a few summers ago i felt so out of place!
you are amazing. don't ever forget it.
and please please send me your address so i can send you a prize?
you can email it if you like;
jelliebellie@gmail.com
-jill m!
Hi, I'm just a randomer from the UK who is looking through Disney blogs cos I'm applying to go (f2f on Friday!) but your entry really struck accord with me. It reminds me a LOT of my first few months in uni, when I felt exactly the same. My only advice to you is stick with it, you'll get past the homesickness. One day everything will click (I know everyone says that but its true) and you'll start enjoying yourself, and you'll be a stronger person for sticking with it :)
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